Willie & Joe
Two Ordinary Spirits
by
Ned Snead
© 2004 by Ned Snead
All rights reserved. No part or portion of this book may be reproduced without
the express, written permission of the author.
This book is
fiction, intended for entertainment purposes only. No character depicted herein
is representative of any real person, living or dead.
Background ‘Information’ About Spirits
Money—Should Be Crystallized Sweat
Enthusiasia—The Benevolent World
Plugging Away at The Lord’s Work
Encounter—Mistake of a Lifetime
Willie and Joe are two of the
most common names in the
It would also be fair to ask,
“How come you know so much about the spirit world?”
That’s a fair question. I have
read a good bit on the subject, and I have had some ‘experiences’ that have
left me certain about some things without being able to explain why I am so
sure. What I ‘know’ seems to make more sense than all the stuff I have read and
heard on the subject in 65 years of going to half a dozen different kinds of
churches and listening to thousands of sermons. I have gotten tired of people
trying to explain things to me that they don’t understand themselves.
Religion has done a lot of
good in the world, especially when they talk about treating other people the
way you would like to be treated yourself. But religious people have caused a
lot of trouble when they insist that everybody believe, talk, eat, drink,
smoke, sleep, dress, make love and act just like they do.
If it turns out that I’m badly
wrong about some of this, you are welcome to look me up and try to help me
after we are sure. But please wait until we are both dead.
Background ‘Information’ About Spirits
Somewhere, perhaps within the
Milky Way Galaxy, and perhaps very far beyond, two spirits met. These
encounters don’t happen frequently because of the vast size of the universe. As
you know, spirits, not being confined by any bodily limitations, are able to
travel anywhere they wish at the speed of thought.
There are lots of spirits,
many, many billions at least, but they are always busy, doing the things that
spirits do, finding planets and other sites suitable for various forms of life,
experimenting with farming, breeding, evolution and organizations.
Because spirits without bodies
have no need for air, water, food, shelter, etc., they are not dependent on
each other like we are, but they do like to get together once in a while to
shoot the bull and take advantage of the experience gained by other spirits,
just like we do. They do it faster, because they don’t suffer from our language
problems, and they don’t get upset when they learn something new.
Time doesn’t mean much to them
personally, of course, but the experimental plots they are watching are very
much time dependent. Particularly when new mutations of genes and new social
experiments are first introduced, the plots need just the right amount of
energy, fluids, nutrients and cultivation at just the right time, or they are
likely to fizzle without ever being tried. So a spirit needs to watch his
experimental plots pretty closely, and just take “time” for a bull session when
he has something to report or needs to ask a question.
They don’t use names, because
there are so many of them. They recognize each other instantly by their genetic
data strings, which they can read at a glance. Since I can’t read the data,
I’ll call them Willie and Joe.
Some time in the late 21st
century, way out beyond the Milky Way, Joe meets Willie for the first time in
50 years or more and says, “Hey, the last time I saw you was
when you were beheaded on TV. Where have you been since?”
Willie answers, “I got fed up
with the whole situation. My only reason for being there was to help those
folks, and they just used me to make some silly public statement. I’ve been
working over in Andromeda where I get a little more
respect.”
But Joe wants to know more.
“When they held up your head for the camera, I said, ‘Hey, I know that
guy.’ What was it like?”
Willie shrugs. “No big deal.
It only hurt for a few seconds. Nothing like the time I was burned at the stake
by the Grand Inquisition. Other times I’ve been in bed for months, begging for
morphine. But I’ve been out of touch.
What happened after that?”
Joe smiles. “Well, it led to a pretty good war.”
Willie objects. “I’ve never
heard of a good war. What do you mean?”
Joe had lived through it.
“Well, the
Willie is not convinced. “Did
the war settle any of the old feuds?”
“Of course
not. The killing just led to more
killing like it always has. It was like another plague in
Money—Should Be Crystallized Sweat
Once every thousand years or
so, two spirits will get together to compare their experiences. We are eavesdropping
on one of their bull sessions.
Willie is saying, “I have
lived several times now on that little planet with the Garden of Eden and all
the wars, and they do come up with some cute ideas. Have you ever heard of
MONEY?”
Joe is at a total loss.
“Well, it’s a sophisticated
way of increasing prosperity by letting individuals do what they do best, and
trading their labor with others who specialize in different things.”
Joe says, “Oh yeah, that’s
what we did on my Neanderthal tour. The women were seldom able to go hunting,
because they were always pregnant or nursing. Most of the babies weren’t fit or
lucky enough to grow up, so we had to have lots of them. I had to get in on
five conceptions before I ever got big enough to hunt. There was plenty of excitement
after that, though. You wouldn’t believe some of the game we tackled, working
together. The gals kept the fires going, made the clothes, dried the meat,
raised the kids and generally made life worth living.”
Willie agrees, “That’s the
basic idea, but in my tribe we had a guy who had lost a leg who got to be an
expert at making arrowheads. He would trade three beautiful little flint tips
for a dead rabbit, and he ate better than most of the hunters. He taught me how
to make them, and I was able to travel hundreds of miles without taking time to
hunt. The small ones were worth more than the big ones, because they took more
time to produce, so I could travel light. Everywhere I stopped I could trade
for food, clothes, shoes, and everything I needed.”
Joe is impressed. “Say, we
could use that in the Andromeda Galaxy except that
nobody hunts there. They are all vegetarians.”
Willie has the answer. “We
didn’t stick with arrowheads forever. Several thousand years later I lived with
a bigger bunch that used gold. We could travel even lighter, because gold is
never found in large quantities. It takes a hundred times more work to round up
an ounce of gold than it takes to make an ounce of arrowheads. It just takes a
few thousand years to get general agreement that an ounce of gold is worth a
month of food and lodging.”
Joe is really fired up now. “I
see. Money is just crystallized sweat. Say, we’ve got something like that gold
stuff. I can’t wait to give it a try.”
But Willie is cautious. “There
is still a problem. Later on we got carried away with traveling light and
invented paper certificates and credit cards worth a hundred ounces of gold.”
Suddenly Joe is concerned.
“How do you keep people who haven’t made any arrowheads from printing papers
that say they have?”
Willie sighs, “Well, the
government makes that a crime. The only trouble is that there is nobody to keep
the government from giving away pieces of paper that nobody did any work for.”
Joe is amazed. “Why would they
do that?”
“Sometimes the ruling class
needs to make a good impression on the working people. If they have to win an
election to stay in the ruling class, it’s a way to buy votes. I guess it’s
better than the old system of kings.”
Joe is disappointed. “Sounds
like you need an honest government.”
Willie agrees. “Yeah, we’re
working on that.”
It is difficult for spirits
like Willie and Joe to be heard and taken seriously by “real, live people”, so
sometimes, for their own special reasons they decide to live again.
For instance, Joe had once
been a glider pilot and developed affection for buzzards. He decided to live
among them for a while to enjoy soaring every day and eating meat without
having to kill anything. He also wanted to teach the buzzards to drag the
carcass off the highway where they could eat it without having to dodge the
automobiles. He helped thousands of birds get to be old buzzards, but
eventually a fast-moving sports car bumped him off while he was demonstrating
the technique.
The idea is still getting
around slowly, but Joe is satisfied and has moved on to other projects. He
knows what many of us on earth are still learning, “There are no tragic endings
for those who are doing the Lord’s work.” And furthermore, the Lord is not on
any timetable. If something takes 600 years, that’s OK with Him.
We have just run across Willie
talking to Mike, who has never lived before. Mike is full of big ideas about
making a difference in the world, but thinks it would be good to get some
practical advice from Willie, who is a veteran of many campaigns.
Willie is saying, “I like your
ideas and your enthusiasm, but the odds are long. You have to pick one baby at
the moment of conception, and then you’re locked in through that kid’s whole
career. You can study the DNA of both parents to improve your odds, but only
one kid in fifty million gets to be a king or president who can make the kind
of difference you have in mind.”
Mike is not discouraged. “I know
the odds are long, but you can’t win the lottery without buying a ticket. I’ve
got to start somewhere.”
Willie takes a deep breath and
settles in for the long haul. “Mike, most of the time you’ll be like the crew
down below the water line, keeping the engine running, patching leaks, and
pumping out the bilge water. The skipper can make heroic or stupid decisions,
without ever asking you if they are right or ethical. He could operate for
years, maybe for life, without ever knowing who you are and why you are there.
Most of your time will be spent supervising a million chemical reactions every
second, tracking down hostile life forms and chemicals, and repairing the
damage they do before you find them. Once a month, if you’re lucky, the skipper
will call you up on the bridge to advise him on a decision he is about to make.
The rest of the time he will be thinking about food, comfort, sex and
entertainment. If you have been able to turn him into a political creature,
he’ll be thinking about re-election.”
Mike understands. “Yeah, but
as you say, there’s lots of time.”
Willie responds, “There’s lots
of time only if you can keep him alive. I had just barely got started one time
when my mother learned that the guy who promised to love her forever and never
let anything bad happen to her did not have the guts to finish the job. She
decided the two of us could make better use of the next 50 years with a husband
and father. I agreed with her, and we both had better luck the next time.”
Mike is a little taken aback. “Well,
at least you have had other chances, and your mother’s spirit was allowed to
finish the job.”
Willie grins. “What you call
finishing the job is no piece of cake. Life is a little bit like driving an old
car across the desert. Old age, rust, wear and tear accumulates until you are
stopping every few miles to repair something with chewing gum and bailing wire.
The process is painful for your host, and you are torn between wanting to keep
moving toward your goal and sympathy for the suffering it entails. It reaches a
point where you run out of tools and materials anyway, and there is no choice
but get out and walk. The old car turns back to dust or gets picked up by a
scrap dealer and is turned into something new. For the spirits involved it’s
all just a memory. Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes
from bad judgment.
Enthusiasia—The Benevolent World
Willie and Joe are watching a
dentist examine a three-year-old girl, whose baby teeth are almost all rotted
away. The dentist is explaining to the child’s mother that the decay was caused
by the sugar that she put in the baby’s bottle over a long period of time.
Joe is saying, “That’s the
last straw. With all the trouble that can be traced to refined sugar, there ought’a be a law against it.”
Willie says, “Yeah, I know how
you feel, but over in the Andromeda Galaxy I watched
a bunch of people take that kind of thing to its ultimate conclusion.”
Joe is indignant. “Hey, you
sound like some kind of libertarian freak. People need laws to keep them from
making foolish mistakes that can seriously affect their health and welfare.”
Willie agrees, “Yeah, they
need something to offset their natural foolishness, but I’m not sure that more
laws are the answer. Have you ever been over to Enthusiasia
in the Andromeda Galaxy?”
There is a flicker of
recognition. “No, but I’ve heard of it. Isn’t that the place where they finally
got a benevolent world government that was totally dedicated to health and
welfare for everybody?”
Willie says, “Yeah, that’s the
place. I watched them for several hundred years, and it worked like a charm for
quite awhile. The vast majority of the people were well disciplined, law
abiding, fairly healthy citizens, and a small minority who couldn’t or wouldn’t
shape up went to jail.”
Joe nods, “Yeah, I guess
there’s always going to be a few misfits, even in a perfect system.”
Willie holds up his hand. “Now
wait, I didn’t say the system was perfect. There were still lots of people
being killed and injured unnecessarily. Victims of their own stupidity, and
those that got themselves injured by doing foolish things like jumping out of
airplanes and riding motorcycles without a helmet were a burden on the rest of
the system, because they sometimes required long term medical care...all at
taxpayer expense.”
Joe said, “Wait a minute, now
that takes a little zing out of life. I’ve always liked flying myself. That’s
one of the nicest things about being a spirit. And if a guy wants to knock his
brains out riding a motorcycle then that just makes all his other organs
available for people that need them.”
Willie acknowledges, “What you
say is true, but a really benevolent government wants to help people who are
too dumb to help themselves. Back in the Milky Way one time I died from lung
cancer caused by smoking three packs a day. Maybe if smoking
had been illegal or expensive I would have been saved all that agony.
They did make it illegal on Enthusiasia, along with
everything you could think of that was unhealthy, like refined sugar, saturated
fat, alcohol, tranquilizers, driving without seat belts, chain saws, canoes,
scuba diving, and swimming without a life jacket.”
Joe is impressed, “Wow, I
guess everybody must’a lived to be 120 or more, uh?”
“Well,” says Willie, “they
lived a little longer but it seemed like a lot longer. Especially when it got
to where half the people were in jail for things like driving without a seat
belt, and taking medicine without a doctor’s prescription. The price of all of
the prohibited things went out of sight, but you could always get ‘em on the black market. Every time they caught a black
marketer and put him in jail the prices went up more, making business better
for the rest of the black marketers.”
Joe said, “Well, I guess a good
stiff sentence reformed some of those guys, uh?”
Willie said, “Well, it might
have if time in jail was something to be avoided at all costs, but the
benevolent government in Enthusiasia figured that
anybody in jail was there because of a failure of society, and they could be
re-educated and reformed. So, jails got to be more like going back to college
but with free room and board, entertainment and exercise.”
Joe’s amazed, “Gosh, if half
of the people were in jail, who paid for the jail and
the people to keep them in there?”
“Paid,” Willie said, “oh, it
didn’t cost anything. The government paid for it. They just borrowed money from
the rich folks, and when the loans came due they just printed money.”
Joe was delighted. “Wow, what
a slick system. I can’t wait to tell the people back in the Milky Way Galaxy.”
Willie shrugs. “Don’t bother,
they’ve already heard about it.”
Mike, the spirit who has never lived before, has still not selected
his entry point, and is still nervous about the idea of spending a whole
lifetime on some planet. He has been picking Willie’s brain about the things he
can expect. He is saying, “Willie, I know that death is not something to worry
about. It’s just the way we wind up one life so we can move on to the next.
What bothers me is the pain and suffering that I might have to endure.”
This is all nothing new to
Willie. “Yeah, I must have died several dozen times by now, and the actual
transition was never any big deal. Pain is something else. We couldn’t live
without it, because it lets us know that something is wrong and has to be
changed. People with leprosy can’t feel anything and don’t even wake up when
rats chew off their toes.”
Mike is not convinced. “Sure,
I know that pain can be helpful, but what can I do if it gets unbearable?”
Willie responds, “Unbearable
is just a word that people say without thinking about the real meaning. You
might be actually bearing it at the same time you are saying the word. It might
be more accurate to say you’d rather die than endure any more.”
That gives Mike an idea. “I’ve
heard of people killing themselves or begging others to kill them. Is that
acceptable?”
Willie says, “It’s hard to get
your friends to do it for you. A couple of times I found a way to kill myself.
Nobody ever gave me any trouble about it afterwards. Other times I just stuck
it out. Some times I died, and some times I got over it and enjoyed a lot more
of life.”
Mike is still a little
concerned. “Look, I don’t even know going in whether I’ll be male or female.
I’ve heard that having babies is the most painful thing that can happen to
you.”
Willie chuckles, “Yeah, that
happens about half the time. The strangest thing about females is that they
keep on doing it, even after they know all about the pain. When it happens to
you, you will know that it can’t go on forever. If something is really wrong,
you’ll die, and that will be a peaceful end. If not, you’ll get something
precious that will almost make you forget the pain.”
Mike is feeling a little
better, but still not satisfied. “How can you forget the pain?”
Willie is not sure how to
explain. “You don’t actually forget the pain, but you can’t actually feel it
again when nothing is wrong with you. I guess the worst thing is the fear that
comes with it, and there are two ways to be afraid. One way is the fear that
the pain could go on forever, and that’s not possible. ‘This too shall
pass.’ The other way is the fear of death,
and you and I both know that’s nothing to worry about.”
Mike is relieved. “That must
be quite a comfort to guys like you who have been through it dozens of times.
I’ll feel better when I remember what you have told me.”
But Willie has a final word of
caution. “You won’t remember what I told you. When we are living, all of our
memories have to be stored in one finite, living brain. We have to learn
everything the hard way. It’s rare for a living person to get a peek into the
infinite wisdom that you and I can share here and now. It takes a strong spirit
and lots of faith to do what you’re about to do. Good luck to you.”
Although Willie and Joe, and
billions of other spirits, have been around forever, they are not able to go
back in time. Each time they live they are locked in for the duration of that
life. If they need to know about something that happened in the past, they have
to find a spirit who was living at the time and ask him.
Willie has heard some
political creature talking about “Family Values” and is trying to get to
the underlying meaning. He is visiting with Joe, who lived several times before
people started keeping written records.
Joe is saying, “It reminds me
of the days when the strongest men ruled over big gangs of women and children.
Early on they learned that girls didn’t have babies until men planted seeds in
them. The strongest man chased all the big boys out of the tribe, so it was
obvious that all the ‘seeds’ came from him. If one of the bachelors wanted to plant
some seeds, he had to kill the old man first.”
Willie nods, “So the new king
was obviously the strongest man produced by the seed of the old king. He could
inherit the tribe and take on the old king’s name.”
Joe replies, “He got the
tribe, but kept his old name and added the name of his father, like Henry the
son of Sam. The kid who killed Henry would be called Albert, the son of Henry,
the son of Sam.”
Willie sees a parallel, “It’s
like agriculture. You only plant seeds from the best of the crop, and the crops
get better and stronger over time. The family was more of a pedigree than a
single name.”
Joe continues his story,
“Yeah, since the kids seemed to look a little like their father, we assumed the
family traits were passed down with the father’s seed. After a while a king
realized that some of his sons were getting too strong for him to fight. He
sent them over the hills into the neighboring kingdom to purchase or steal a
few girls to start their own kingdoms. That king got old, fat and lazy while his
women and his cattle got too numerous to count.”
After a pause, Willie says,
“The old king probably lost track of who was planting the babies.”
Joe agrees, “Yeah, not only
were there too many women to count, there were too many boys to keep away from the
girls. From the king’s viewpoint, the best use for boys was as soldiers. When
he had a big enough gang, he could march them all over the hills, kill
everybody but the girls, and take over the land and cattle from the neighbors.”
Willie is still thinking, “The
neighbors wouldn’t give up without a fight, so the attacking army would be
thinned out some. Here again the seed for the next crop comes from the winners
of a fight.”
Joe continues, “For a long
time a man could own as many wives as he could keep track of. He could be
pretty sure all of the kids were his, because his wives were not allowed to
entertain other men. If a gal picked up a seed from anyone besides her master,
both she and the baby were considered worthless and killed. That made an impression
on the other women.”
Willie has a new idea. “Why
didn’t they notice and take advantage of the fact that babies turn out about
equally boys and girls? That would have eliminated the need for a lot of
fighting.”
Joe has an answer. “We tried
that in several places where we had plenty of land and no troublesome
neighbors. If it had worked, we would have stopped improving the breed of
warriors. But nature worked against it. Women can only produce ten or twenty
babies in a lifetime, while men can produce hundreds. Many of the girls were
always interested in the strongest men, to produce the best babies, and the
weaker men were not able to prevent their getting together.”
Willie can see a weakness in
his original idea. “So a family unit became not just one man and one woman, but
a man and as many women as he could control…not much different from a small
tribe. But still the name came from the man. They must have thought that women
provided only fertile ground for the seeds and milk for the babies.”
Joe goes on, “Yeah, I only
learned about eggs coming from gals several thousand years later. But long
before that we tried families with only one woman per man. That did stop a lot
of fighting, but it also stopped improving the breed. On the other hand, we
started to specialize. When guys with weak eyes started breeding, we had a few
boys who were not much good to a hunting party. Some of them learned to make
arrowheads. In a couple of hundred lifetimes I saw that process lead to a clan
who could read, write and do arithmetic.”
Willie is impressed. “So what
seems at first to be a weakness in the system leads to a big improvement. Hey,
I wonder if that’s how the families called Wright and Smith and
Shoemaker got their names.”
Plugging Away at The Lord’s Work
Willie and Joe are old hands,
having been around for thousands of years, but once in a while they have to
take time out to indoctrinate a new member like Pete, who has just finished his
first tour of duty on one of the inhabitable planets.
Pete is saying, “Hey, Willie,
I’m glad to run into you. I’m so frustrated I could almost live again. I’ve
been hanging around that place where I used to live, watching those fools make
the same mistakes over and over.”
Willie says, “Why are you
hanging around there? Don’t you know you can go anywhere you like?”
Pete says, “Yeah, that’s what
God told me the first time I met him. He said I had been doing his work ever
since I took my first breath, and now that I’ve got my honorable discharge I can
tackle any project that interests me. I just figured I could do more good back
among the people I had lived with, giving them the benefit of my experience.”
Willie shrugs and says, “Yeah,
that’s natural when you don’t know anything about the rest of the universe, but
it’s hard to get them to listen.”
Pete says, “You’re telling me?
I’ve been watching them try the same dumb things for two hundred years. Every
time I try to get a message to one of them, he wants me to pull some hokey
miracle to prove I know what I’m talking about.”
Willie agrees, “Yeah, I know
what you mean. They don’t appreciate everyday, useful miracles like healing and
photosynthesis. They are only impressed by stunts and entertainment, and when
you try to tell them something, they’re just not listening.”
Pete says, “Yeah, I’ve noticed
that. Even when they are praying, they are likely to be reading from a book.
You can’t get through until they stop talking and start listening. I’ve tried
to plant some ideas in their dreams, but they don’t trust dreams because so
many of them are just re-hashes of old fears and bad experiences. They can’t
tell the good stuff from the bad.”
Willie says, “I’ve planted
some pretty good ideas when their minds are blank like right after making love,
and I’ve been able to help sometimes in a crisis. I remember one time when half
the people in an airliner were praying for help, and I was able to get the
pilot to look at one of the gages that was drifting out of the green. I felt
pretty good when the pilot said, “thanks, Lord” as he rolled to a stop on the
runway. Most of the passengers didn’t even know they’d had any help. I had been
halfway across the universe when I heard all the commotion and just zipped over
to see what I could do.”
Pete, remembering a similar
experience, suggests, “I’ll bet every one of them went right back to making the
same dumb mistakes, just like before you saved them.”
Willie says, “No, there were one or two, including the pilot, who were open to some
suggestions that made a small difference later on.”
But Pete is impatient and
cannot understand how Willie can be satisfied with such slow and tedious
progress.
But Willie says, “Look, Pete.
We’ve got all the time in the universe. When I first got here the Boss told me
that there were no tragic endings for the folks doing his work, and He’s not
tied to any timetable. You’re doing a good job, Pete. Just keep plugging away.”
Encounter—Mistake of a Lifetime
Joe is saying, “Hey, Willie, I
heard you decided to spend a lifetime on that little planet with the Garden of
Eden and all the wars. How did it go?”
Willie replies, “I’m a little
embarrassed to tell you, but I don’t have much to report.”
Joe is amazed, “How can that
be? You spend a whole lifetime in one of the most turbulent places in the
universe without learning anything useful. You must have had a tragic, early
death.”
Willie shakes his (head),
smiling, “No. As a matter of fact I didn’t, and that
was the whole problem. As soon as I was locked in I realized I had chosen a
very poor entry point. The sperm was defective, and the combination was about
as bad as it could possibly be.”
Joe is sympathetic. “Too bad,
but I suppose you miscarried and started over without losing too much time.”
“No, the girl’s mother got the girl the best
prenatal care, so I was locked in for another seven months. I had my second
chance to escape when I was born, but again my grandmother saw to it that I
survived almost a year of surgery and incubators with no chance for me to learn
anything except medical technology.”
Joe says, “Well, once you got
past the incubator phase you could start picking up useful information.”
Willie is still embarrassed.
“I might have, but my brain and nervous system were
such a mess that I never learned to DO anything. I could see and hear, but I
could only eat, drink, shit, and barely move. They put me in a nursing home for
the severely retarded, and I spent my time curled up in a baby bed. Once in a
while I happened to be able to see some of the world outside on an electronic
thing they call television, but most of the time I was isolated, because they
didn’t know that I was aware of anything. When anybody came to see me they were
so distressed by my appearance that they hardly talked at all.”
Joe is really shocked now.
“What a miserable trip! I got more out of my tour as a galley slave in the
Greek navy. How did you finally get away?”
Willie
smiles. “Just a
fluke. One of the people who worked there picked up some gasoline in
place of floor polish and blew up one whole wing of the place. The families of
the victims sued the owner was for a hundred million bucks, but we patients
have a big reunion every thousand years to celebrate and honor the housekeeper
who got us out of there. Thank God for housekeepers.”
Willie and Joe don’t normally
travel together, but they had been talking about some really strange features
of the universe. They decided to take a short cut across the center of the
Milky Way Galaxy and have a look at the black hole that keeps it all together.
Willie tries to dodge as an anvil and then a barbed wire fence with cedar poles
come screaming by.
Joe is almost laughing as he
tells Willie, “It’s easy to forget that we have no mass, which is the reason we
can get so close to that thing without getting sucked in. There’s also no
danger of our getting tangled up in all the debris.”
Willie has recovered his
composure by now. “What puzzles me is why this thing doesn’t keep getting more
and more massive until it sucks in the whole galaxy.”
Joe says, “It seems to be
almost balanced out by now. People have been trying to figure out the past and
the future ever since they started thinking about impractical things. Now here
we are, able to go anywhere in the universe, and look at anything, and we still
can’t figure it out. Maybe we’re not supposed to know.”
Willie agrees. “Yeah, there
was a time when I was a well-kept slave to one of those guys in
Joe wants to know how he went
about it, so Willie continues, “Close to where we lived there was a valley with
almost no rain, so we had a perfect view of the stars every night. The animals
and the people had no reason to go there, so we could leave permanent marks on
the desert just by sweeping the gravel aside. The stars seemed to go in a half
circle every night, and in half a year it was obvious that a few bright stars
were going in perfect circles. We piled up some rocks to establish two lines
where one bright star got as far to the right and left as it ever went. Then we
split the difference between those two lines, and that was our north-south
line.
Joe can see a possible
problem. “When you say ‘splitting the difference’ it sounds like you weren’t
too fussy about accuracy.”
Willie answers, “No, we
weren’t sloppy at all. We had stuff to write on, and our big-head guys had
pretty well mastered plane geometry. They showed us how to use a long piece of
rope to swing arcs and bisect an angle very accurately. In just a few months we
had that first north-south line running almost a mile across the desert. For
instance, if a line was a thousand paces long and only one pace wide, we had
that angle down to just a few arc minutes.”
Joe begins to see the light.
“So if you kept at it for a few weeks in the summer and winter you could lay
out four more lines for the farthest north the sun rose and set in the summer,
and the farthest south it rose and set in the winter.”
Willie says, “Yeah, you’ve got
the idea, but we did all this in a place that was south of the equator. You
know, those lines might still be visible. Let’s go take a look.”
In just about the time it
takes to think about it, Willie and Joe had covered a few thousand light years
and were cruising over the west coast of South America, in a place we now call
Peru, following the Pan American Highway. Sure enough, they could see the old
lines from way up high.
Willie can hardly believe what
he sees. “Look at all that! I can’t even pick out the lines we made among all
the graffiti. The artwork is pretty cute. You can recognize the hummingbird,
and the spider, and the monkey, but you’d never know that the first astronomers
in
Joe is a little upset. “But
why did they do it? What’s the purpose of all this work? It took a bunch of
talented people a lot of time and effort, and you can’t even see it unless you
can fly. It reminds me of the paintings on the sides of railroad freight cars.”
Willie sighs, “A guy named
Murphy explained it. He said that anything that can happen will happen”.
Willie has just happened to
run across Joe somewhere between the Andromeda Galaxy
and another place we don’t have a name for. Willie has come from a place where
a bunch of religious enthusiasts vaporized a competing bunch and accidentally
made their planet too hot to live on. Willie is a little despondent about
having wasted several lifetimes trying to help the folks there. He is telling
Joe, “I thought some kind of religion was essential to civilize people.”
Joe nods, “Yeah, it seems to
help. Several thousand years ago I lived with a tribe that was ruled by the
biggest, meanest guy in the valley. He took anything he wanted and killed
anybody who got in his way. We got rid of him by forming a gang to kill him
from behind. But then the gang started taking anything they wanted. It wasn’t
much better.”
Willie is puzzled. “You didn’t
say anything about religion.”
Joe continues, “The rule by
gangsters went on long after I died. Just out of curiosity I dropped in on
another conception in the same valley. By then they had learned that old folks
were no threat to the gang, but had picked up enough wisdom in 30 or 40 trips
around the sun to be worth listening to.”
Willie is interested now. “So
they turned the old folks into Gods?”
“No. It was obvious the old
folks were pretty much like the rest of us—just older. But the old folks told
us what they had learned from other old folks before we were born. The stories
about our ancestors got bigger and better until some of them got promoted into
gods.”
Willie is beginning to
understand. “I’ve seen something like that. One old woman in our tribe could
talk to the ancestors in a dream and get advice on current problems. She even
came up with a set of rules that we agreed to live by. Any one of the gang
could have killed her with one hand, but he would have been driven out of the
tribe.”
Joe agrees, “You might call
that the beginning of civilization, and you could believe it’s necessary to
have some set of rules that even the gangsters have to live by. The trouble was
that the tribe in the next valley had their own gods and prophets, and lived by
a different set of rules. We had to kill a bunch of them to prove that our god
was better and stronger.”
Willie sees the trouble now.
“So instead of making people civilized, religion leads to wars.”
Joe holds up a hand. “No, the
reason for war is the same as always. The other tribe had better land and
water, and more women than they needed. Religion only explains why they deserve
to die. We had been killing people in our own tribe who wouldn’t live by our
rules. We thought we would be doing them a favor by teaching them about our
gods and our rules.”
Willie understands the problem
now. “So the tribes we lived with way back then just grew bigger and bigger by
killing the infidels in the next valley and breeding with their women until
they came to an ocean or a mountain they couldn’t get across.”
Joe is warming up to his
subject now. “In one of my lives I was a cook and housekeeper for a guy named
Rousseau. He had lived in isolated places called
Willie is really interested
now. “Without an official religion, how did they keep people from killing and
stealing from their neighbors?”
Joe smiles. “They had a couple of cute ideas. They almost stopped
the head gangster from making his oldest son the next head gangster. They found
an old form of government from 2,500 years before where everybody on an island
got together and talked until they could agree on the next head gangster and a
few rules to live by. At first they did it like the old boys did … only the
warriors came to the meetings and argued. The kids, women, slaves and poor
folks couldn’t read and weren’t allowed to carry weapons, so nobody had to pay attention
to them. Any time a chief warrior got too big for his britches, the other
warriors would kill him and any of his sons who thought they were special.”
Willie shakes his head. “That
sounds a little violent to be called civilization, and I still don’t see how
religion fits in.”
Joe tries to explain. “In the
later version they still kept all the old religions with their priests and
prophets, talking about love and such, but none of those guys were allowed to
be the head gangster. In time they realized that they had to have an official
religion after all, so they turned democracy into a religion. First they
let the slaves take part in the elections, and then the women, and so on, even
though at first most of the new voters couldn’t read. It turned into what I
would call pooled ignorance, but still it was better than any form of
government up to then. Since nobody was elected for life, the ruling class had
to constantly appeal to all the voters. The elected ruling class supervised the
warriors. Overall the system worked better than anything that had been tried
before ... not perfect, but better.”
Willie is still a little
puzzled. “Democracy doesn’t sound like much of a religion ... no miracles, no
prophets, no rules from heaven. Still it seems to
eliminate wars started by kings for petty reasons. How did it all work out?”
Joe shrugs. “Pretty well for a
while, but the wars kept getting bigger. In less than 50 years they had two of
the biggest wars ever to make the world safe for democracy. One outfit
got way ahead of the others and tried to impose their religion on the rest of
the world and outlaw the most destructive weapons. Of course, they had keep some super weapons themselves in order to keep others
from using them.”
Willie is relieved. “So I
guess it worked. The new religion finally brought civilization to the world.”
Joe shakes his head. “Yeah, it
worked for a while. But in the end they had another war to make the world
safe for democracy. That was the planet you just came from. But don’t worry
about it. We have all the time in the universe, and plenty of new places to
try.”
From
Joe has just returned from
another life in
Joe answers with a look of
surprise, “Things are starting to shape up there. Ordinary folks are a lot
better off than they were the first few times I lived there. It’s still crowded
and smoky, but they have found a new way to slow down population growth.”
Willie remembers Joe’s earlier
reports. “Yeah, when you were in one of the emperor’s armies you just threw men
at the cannons faster than the gunners could kill them. The surviving attackers
could kill all the men, loot the cities and breed all the women. In twenty
years you replaced all your losses and had an even bigger army. It sounded
bloody, but fun for the winners.”
Joe says, “The Communists
tried to run a different kind of army. They started with the idea that
everybody is more or less equal, and the officers were not allowed to abuse the
enlisted men. They took advantage of the fact that most of the guys in the
other army were forced to fight. Instead of torturing and killing the prisoners,
they let them change sides.”
Willie can see an advantage.
“Hey, if the turncoats make good soldiers, that’s a faster way to build up an
army.”
Joe has more to say. “Yeah. And since the army had to live off the land, they
tried to be nice to the farmers. They claimed to be improving the lives of the
working people, and they started by showing that the ‘peoples
army’ was easier on the people than the emperor’s army.”
But Willie has a question.
“Didn’t you say they found a new way to slow down population growth?”
Joe says, “Well, they had to
make a few mistakes first. Just kicking out the landlords did not boost food
production, or the production of anything else. They needed tractors and
irrigation pumps and fertilizer. But while they were trying to build
industries, the folks were still breeding. The engineers were making some
headway, but they couldn’t get ahead of the consumers.”
“So what did they do?”
Joe starts to warm up.
“Somebody came up with the idea that each woman should have only one baby. That
required some real faith in the new government, because lots of hands were
needed to work the land, and most babies died before they got old enough to
help. The new government had to show some real progress, and they had to change
the way girls were treated.”
Willie is a little puzzled. “I
remember something about distorted feet and long fingernails to show that a
girl was good for nothing but a toy.”
“Yeah, they cut out that kind
of foolishness a long time ago. The new leaders realized that girls could be
taught math and science and turned into engineers instead of just mothers. That
meant the girls had to be in school as soon as they could be taught to read,
and their teachers would have plenty of time to tell them how to put off having
a baby until they really wanted one.”
Willie can see a problem.
“What if a girl would rather mess around with boys than study?”
Joe answers, “Part of it is
education. Almost any teacher can convince a girl that every baby takes twenty
years of hard labor. A good teacher might get across the economic factors—that
every baby has to be educated, and then someone has to save enough to provide
tools to make a decent job.”
Willie is still not convinced.
“Some kinds of people still won’t get it.”
“Communists have some carrots
to offer as well as sticks. They can promise free medical care and education to
every citizen, and a job after he finishes school. But
all this free stuff goes only to the first baby. Without medical care a second
baby in a poor family is not likely to live long enough to start school.”
Willie starts to squirm a
little. “That sounds kind of rough on an innocent baby.”
Joe agrees. “That’s the worst
case. If the carrot doesn’t work, the stick comes out. Remember, the communists
don’t go along with any religion. To them, some lives are more precious than
others. They are trying to build something for those already living, and too
many unplanned babies could sink the boat. A gal might have to be reminded that
the government provides all her food, shelter, medical care and education. If
she doesn’t chose to be a good citizen, she might be
transferred to some place where she could be re-educated.”
Some time late in the 21st century Joe is welcoming Willie back from a tour in
Joe is saying, “Man
alive! I hear you’ve been in on a
complete overhaul of the
Willie is not sure where to
start. “Well, you know the word ‘
Joe adds, “That corrects a
gross insult to all the folks south of the
“The
Joe agrees, “Yeah, I was in on
some of that. Whenever I went to war I thought our government knew what they
were doing. After a year with the ‘good guys’ I was not so sure. But how did
you break the habit?”
Willie continues, “We tried
electing a female chief executive, thinking that gals would rather make love
than war, and would not want their babies to come home damaged or dead. But the
first one we tried was just as bloodthirsty as the guys she replaced. We
finally had to promote a party that was really devoted to small government and
not connected to any religion, including democracy. They eventually got big
enough to deny a majority to either of the old parties and force them to make
deals to get anything done. They kept growing until they could elect enough
people to make a difference. Then they decided to skip the next war.”
Joe can see a couple of problems.
“You could save a world of money by disbanding the army, but you would be
vulnerable to attack, and there is nothing worse that a big gang of unemployed
soldiers.”
Willie agrees. “We only
mustered out those who wanted out and knew what they were going to do next. The
rest we put to work defending
“Now you’re confusing me. Do
you mean ‘
“Eventually we were invited to
help defend the shores of
Joe is not quite convinced.
“What did you do about the terrorists with the suitcase bombs, etc?”
“We took a few hits, but
mostly the wars of the first ten years took the fun out of suicide missions. It
took almost fifty years, but after we convinced the world that we were not
going to take part in their wars, our most passionate enemies started to die
off, like the
Joe asks, “So you finally
‘made the world safe for Democracy’?”
Willie holds up a hand. “We
dropped that word because it had turned into another religion. First we made
sure that every voter could read and understand the ballot. Then we
disqualified anyone whose primary source of income was a taxpayer-supported
payroll, including elected officials, regular officers and enlisted men. Anyone
who collected more in welfare payments than he paid in income taxes did not
vote. The changes were made over a couple of dozen years, and computers made it
all easy to handle.”
Joe nods, “I can see how all
that could lead to a smaller government and lower taxes, but I want to know how
it applied to the southern half of
“After we got our own act
together, and quit trying to tell everybody how to manage his personal affairs,
the southern folks gradually wanted to get in on the act. We taught our kids
Spanish and Portuguese, and they taught theirs English. We eliminated all taxes
on trade and obstacles to movement between cooperating nations. It took less
time to put it all together, and worked out better than the European Union.”
Joe says, “We used to call
that isolationism. Didn’t you feel any responsibility to the rest of the
world?”
Willie shakes his head, “Not
as long as they insisted on killing each other over things we couldn’t
understand. They had a few more big wars, killing millions and stinking up the
air some. Once in a while we had to wear dust masks and put special filters in
our air conditioners, but we let them fight it out until they got their maps
rearranged or died trying.”
Joe asks, “What did you do
about oil?”
Willie answers, “While we were
trying to switch to wind, sunshine and hydrogen, we gradually started using
more small cars and bicycles. The high school and college students lost some
weight and started living longer. Railroads carried most of the long-haul
freight, and the trucks just picked it up and delivered it. We built some
really high-speed passenger lines between the airports and only flew when we
had to go 500 or 1,000 miles. Video conferences and markets made some business
trips unnecessary. High oil prices made it worth while to drill deeper in
Some time in the 22nd century
(CE) Willie finds that Joe has just returned from one of the first space
colonies. He is fascinated. “How did you get yourself chosen for such an
adventure?”
Joe answers, “Well, my name
was Josephine, and I had a PhD in metallurgy and orbital mechanics, and my
blood was type O, and Rh negative.”
Willie is impressed. “I guess
they had figured that they could provide life support for 3 females for the
same price as for 2 males.”
Joe (Josephine) replies. “It
was more than that. I was expected to produce several new crew members for the
next generation. Before we left I had to prove my ability to deliver a baby
without a lot of fuss.”
This is a surprise to Willie.
“So you took your baby with you?”
“No, I had to leave the baby
with my husband. He was not chosen for the first crew, and the baby would have
been too much for the early conditions. I kept in contact with my first
daughter by video conference like the good queen in Snow White. She always said
she wanted to have an adventure like mine.”
Willie asks, “Did living
conditions get better as you went along?”
“Yeah, we made contact with an
icy asteroid that provided hydrogen, oxygen and water. We pushed it along with
us to a metallic asteroid. Then we built a big habitat that would support
several hundred folks. The rig spun slowly to produce gravity, and the lights
went on and off to match the length of days in
Willie is fascinated now.
“When you had more room, did you start breeding the next generation?”
Joe responds. “We never did
start producing babies by accident or just because we felt like it. Everything
was planned to match the life support systems we were building. The kids were
always in school learning the skills we would need in the next few years.
Willie raises a question. “Did
you have to divorce your first husband?”
“No, I was the same as dead to
him and the baby. I was going on a one way trip with no chance of ever coming
back.”
Willie asks, “Then did you
marry one of the other crew members?”
“We formed some long-term pairs,
but they were not like families on earth. The women were just as busy in their
jobs as the men were, and the babies were raised and educated by professionals
like they were in Plato’s Republic.”
Willie wonders, “What if the
students didn’t like what they were being trained for? Did they ever rebel?”
“That almost never happened.
We were in a far more hostile environment than the old sailing ships. Life
support was far too precious to waste on trouble makers. We never made anybody
walk the plank, but we could always use recycled body parts to replace those
lost in accidents.”
Willie is shocked. “Wow! That
sounds pretty rough.”
“We all knew the rules before
we signed on for the trip, and the kids learned them early in school.”
Willie is still not comfortable.
“What did you do about the disabled and the old folks?”
Joe is serene, “Same thing.
That’s the way I ended my career. When I started getting forgetful, I just went
to sleep one night, and when I woke up, you were there to welcome me back
here.”
Joe has just run across Willie
in a galaxy we don’t have a name for, and is saying, “I’m surprised to see you
here. I heard you were back on earth trying to solve the world’s oldest
problem.”
“You heard right. I’ve been
wondering why sexual intercourse has been so popular for so long in spite of
the inconvenience and danger.”
Joe has the answer. “That’s
easy. They need lots of babies to replace the folks that come to join us, and
we need opportunities to learn about real life.”
Willie agrees, “But they go to
amazing efforts to breed thousands of times when they have no intention to
produce babies.”
Joe nods. “Yeah.
It does seem more like a sport than a biological necessity.”
Willie starts to explain his
research project. “I had the idea that since males and females produce slightly
different hormones, getting really close together might be the way they receive
essential chemicals they can’t produce for themselves.
Joe is starting to understand.
“I can see how chemicals could pass more easily through the skin when body
parts are supplied with large quantities of extra blood. The pleasure could be
partly due to the satisfaction of a very real chemical shortage.”
Willie goes on. “It could also
tell us that restraint from intimate coupling when there is no intention of
producing babies is actually unhealthy. I was trying to learn exactly what
might go into pills to relieve the urge to merge.”
Joe has an idea. “The risk of
disease would be eliminated if they confined their mergers to one partner, and
that’s what priests make them promise at weddings. Those promises might be
honored if married partners accepted the idea that partners do not have the
right to refuse to exchange essential hormones,”
Willie nods in agreement.
“That would be ideal, but a pill would still be useful before they find the
right partner and when partners are apart for weeks or more. I figured I could
sell a bunch of pills.”
Joe asks, “Well, how did it
go? Did you make a lot of money?”
Willie smiles. “I was learning a lot and making real progress until
I got shot by a jealous husband.”
You may remember, about 85
years ago (earth time) Mike was excited about going to live for the first time,
and was asking Willie what to expect. Mike has just returned from his first
life on earth, and Willie is there to welcome him back. Willie wants a full
report.
Mike says, “Well, it was just
about like what you told me. I never did get to be a real big shot. Actually,
my name was Michelle, and I learned more about love than I did about power. I
married a good man and raised a couple of good kids before I became a political
creature. Since we didn’t have much money, I had to start small, running for
the local school board. A couple of years there got me enough name recognition
to win a spot on the city council.”
Willie is interested. “Were
you able to make some things happen? Did you get enough satisfaction to make it
worth your time, money and effort?”
Mike (Michelle) shrugs, “Well,
the money all went the wrong way. Those first two jobs paid off about like jury
duty. Incidentally, I did serve a couple of times on a jury and felt like I
made a difference. I kept one poor fool from spending most of his life in jail
just because he couldn’t seem to break a silly habit. On the school board and
the city council I had something to say about the way millions of dollars were
spent, but sometimes I felt like I was part of the problem. One thing I’m proud
of is that I got a big school district in
Willie is impressed. “Hey,
that’s no small accomplishment. Most of the folks I know would be proud to get
that much done on their first tour of duty. But I suspect you did a lot more
than you have told me so far.”
Michelle begins to warm up.
“Serving on the school board and the city council are just bare introductions
to the ruling class, but I had done a good enough job in the eyes of the local
politicians that they helped me get into the legislature. There I began to get
acquainted with real, lifetime politicians. The salary was not much, but we
were voting on bills to raise and spend fantastic amounts of money, and we were
outnumbered by lobbyists who were eager to provide anything a person could
want. It’s easy to get used to that kind of treatment.”
Willie is a little worried.
“Knowing you, I’m sure you didn’t sell your soul.”
Michelle shakes her head. “Not
exactly, but I did learn that if I wanted to get my own favorite bills passed,
I had to go along with some bills that were not as clean as I would prefer.”
Willie responds, “Well, you’re
not the first person to learn that you have to go along if you want to get
along. Sam Rayburn, the old
Michelle smiles, “I learned a
lot about political creatures in the process of becoming one myself. They will
talk about ‘the issues’ if you insist, but what really interests them are
elections. It’s built into the system. Real politicians are in for life, and what
really matters to them is their next election. They can’t really make a
difference until they are put on important committees, and that doesn’t happen
until they’ve been re-elected a couple of times.
Willie understands. “That must
be the reason I was never able to leave any political tracks. I’ve always been
interested in so many different things that the real political creatures always
knew that I could be ignored safely.”
Michelle understands. “Yeah,
but that was not my problem. They knew I was in for the long haul. And after a
while the voters seemed to get the message too. I usually won every race I
entered with a big enough majority that I didn’t attract any serious
opposition. I watched the egomaniacs come and go and was able to quietly
squelch some of their craziest ideas. But I couldn’t vote against everything
without becoming someone whose vote could be counted in advance.”
Willie says, “I guess that
means you seldom put forward any big ideas yourself. Do you suppose that’s why
you were never nominated for the top jobs?”
Michelle agrees, “I really
wasn’t cut out to be a big shot. All the big ideas had to carry so many
self-serving amendments that they ended up adding to the problem rather than
making things simpler and easier for the tax payers. I didn’t mind running a
simple campaign, but I knew better than to promise a bunch of stuff that I knew
could not be done.”
“So you had a long and
successful career just keeping the egomaniacs from making a bigger mess than
they might have. How did it end? It sounds like you didn’t make enough trouble
to get yourself assassinated.”
Michelle nods, “No, I just got
old and tired of public life. I spent the last few years playing with
grandchildren and their kids. I never got famous, but I got some satisfaction
out of keeping the republic from being a nuisance to the rest of the world. I
finally got a painful disease and was ready to come back here when the time
came.”
Willie is still not
comfortable with Joe’s (Josephine’s) report on the first space colony. He is
saying, “How can you justify loveless reproduction and abandonment of spouse
and children for the purpose of space exploration?”
Joe answers, “We weren’t
thinking about exploration. We thought the earth was well on its way to
becoming unlivable. We knew that there are enough resources in space for many
times the population of earth, but we had to start small. We were lucky to be
able do as much as we did with the stuff we could assemble in space before we
got too far away. Furthermore, I didn’t say anything about doing without love.
I stuck with one man until I got too old to produce healthy babies, and we had
a lot more concern for everybody on board than the folks on earth had for their
neighbors.”
Willie is feeling a little
better, but still has reservations. “Well, what about recycling body parts from
troublemakers?”
“I know it sounds a little
rough to you, but we had no choice. In order to handle the problem earth style,
we would have had to provide life support for both the troublemakers and many
more people to keep them from endangering all the rest of us; not just police,
but lawyers and judges too. It would have taken far more resources than we had
to spare. In a few more years they will have space colonies for tens or
hundreds of thousands. They may be able to be more sensitive then.”
Willie begins to understand.
“It would make sense on a submarine that could never go back to shore. And I
can see how some body parts are too valuable to feed to the sharks. We never
really approved of the Chinese selling organs from executed criminals, but a
young person needing a kidney couldn’t be too fussy about where it came from.”
Joe responds, “Yeah, and we
were not too hard on the people we had to recycle. We had a big retirement
party, and everybody got drunk on some stuff that was much better than alcohol
or marijuana. Everybody but the retiree slept it off, but he woke up here the
next morning.”
Willie is still concerned. “Who
made the big decisions? Did you have a king or a dictator, or take a vote?”
“We had a ruling committee of three, with the
skipper being the chairman. They never issued an order unless they could agree.
They were elected for only one year with no possibility of re-election. Nobody
really wanted the jobs. There were no extra benefits or privileges, just extra
thankless duties. They had to continue their regular jobs and meet when all
three were awake. Since we worked three shifts, they generally lost sleep
whenever they met.”
Willie has another question.
“Since you used the word ‘chairman’, the skipper must have been a man?”
That gets Joe started. “We
were all men, just different shapes and sizes. About half were equipped to bear
and nurse babies. Some of the big ones couldn’t get their hands or their bodies
into the tight places where the work had to be done. We were all smart in
different ways, but nobody specialized in making or enforcing rules. We had a
few standing orders, but a third of them came up for review every year. It took
an overwhelming majority of all the adults to keep a standing order in force.
Of course, all the adults could read. The whole book was no bigger than the
Constitution of the
Willie has another concern.
“You haven’t said anything about religion. I’ve always thought it was essential
to have some belief in God and the afterlife, and some rules that go beyond
health, food and shelter.”
Joe agrees. “You may be right.
Of course you and I, here and now, know all we need to know about the
afterlife. We also know that when we are living on earth (or in a space colony)
we have forgotten almost everything we learned in past lives. A human brain is
a wonderful thing, but finite. However, we frequently ran across folks who
seemed to remember more than we did. They could tell us a few things, but never
enough for us to understand. It was easier for us to believe in another life
than to convince ourselves that extinction was OK. After all, a human brain
can’t really get around five or six dimensions, general relativity or quantum
mechanics. What God is doing, and how He does it is far more complex. As to
rules, we’ve only been given two that are essential. We are required to love
our neighbors as much as we love ourselves. I know about love from nursing
babies, and I was required to care for the other crew members as if they were
all my babies.”
Willie springs the trap. “What
about that first rule?”
Joe is ready. “I don’t believe
anybody on earth can know God as well as you and I do, and I certainly don’t
know Him well enough to love Him like my babies and my neighbors. Once in a
while somebody would claim to have met God and received instructions that all
of us had to live by. We didn’t argue with him, but the rest of us knew better
that to elect him to any position of authority.”
Background according to Apollodorus and Virgil:
Lavinia was the daughter of Latinus, King of the City of Latium,
and his wife, Queen Amata. Lavinia
had been courted by Turnus, King of the Rutulians. After many battles, Turnus
is killed by Aeneas, leader of the Trojan survivors, who married Lavinia and founded the Roman race, who “left to other
nations such things as art and science, and ever remembered that they were destined
to bring under their empire the peoples of the earth, to impose the rule of
submissive nonresistance, to spare the humbled and to crush the proud.”
Penthesileia, an Amazon, was the daughter of Otrere
and Ares. She killed many Greeks in battle, including Machaon,
but later died at the hand of Achilles, who fell in love with the Amazon after
her death.
Willie is the most experienced
spirit we have met, and Joe calls upon him frequently to learn what really
happened long ago. We are listening in on one of their bull sessions, and Joe
is asking, “I have seen some statues and paintings of the ‘Rape of the Sabines’, but the written material is scarce and confusing.
I’ll bet you know more about it than anyone else.”
Willie smiles, “You got that
right. I was there. My name was Penthesileia, not the
Amazon who was killed by Achilles, but I was named for her. She might have been
my great, great grandmother. What do you want to know?”
Joe is a little taken aback.
“Well, what do you mean ‘you were there?”
Willie settles down to spin a
yarn. “I was one of the Sabine women who were kidnapped and raped by those
mangy deserters from the siege of
Joe says, “You mean like
civilized manners and music and cooking and housekeeping?”
Willie nods, “Some of that,
but more practical things, too. We had ways to keep from having babies when we
didn’t want them. I also learned to give a guy a real sexual workout, and then
kill him while he was sleeping it off.”
Joe is shocked. “How could you
get away with it? Even if it wasn’t exactly murder, the poor guy might have
friends who would want to see you punished.”
Willie nods, “Murder was
something they did all the time for fun and profit. It just taught the next guy
who wanted to tangle with me to be a little nicer. After a few years we had
most of those guys almost civilized…those we didn’t have to kill. Then we
started having a few babies. You may remember the legend that the Amazons only
raised the female babies. That’s how the Romans got the idea of letting the
father decide if a baby was worth keeping, even before it started nursing.”
Joe remembers, “I did read
something about that, and I can see how it could be a good system for breeding
warriors. The early Romans were almost constantly at war. Nobody wanted them to
stay in
Willie agrees. “Yeah, history
is the same stories over and over, but you have to remember new names and dates
to pass the quizzes. But I haven’t told you the best part of the story. After I
grew up and had grown children of my own, we heard that the men were planning
another raid on the village all the women came from. That would have had our
sons and husbands killing our fathers and brothers. We told them not to do it,
but they were going ahead anyway. I called a little meeting of all my
classmates from the original raid, and their daughters. Then we told the men
that there would be no more sexual favors, before or after a raid on our home
town. At first the bastards thought we would not be able to resist their manly
charms, but they soon learned that we meant it. That may have been the first
time in history that a group of women prevented a war. I hope it’s not the last
time.”
We mailed out 150